Wisdom

" Certainly it is almost more important how a person takes his fate than what it is. "

- WILHELM Von HUMBOLDT

" It is your ATTITUDE more than your APTITUDE, that is the chief determinant of your success. "

- ANNONYMOUS

Things I KNOW

" Laughter has no foreign accent. "

- PAUL B. LOWNEY


" Happiness often the result of being too busy to be miserable. "

- ANNONYMOUS

Wisdom

" Running after women never hurt anybody. It's the catching that does the damage. "

- ANNONYMOUS

Cartoon of the day

Cartoon of the week

Cartoon of the day

These two met in Berkley, got emgaged on Fire Island, ran off and eloped in Vermont - - last I heard the couple lived happily ever after - - ( AFTER THEY ARGUED FOR THE FIRST FOUR WEEKS ABOUT WHO WAS GOING TO DO WHAT TO WHO ! )


Sometimes you gotta take a break and do one of these off-the-wall cartoons to keep your sanity . . you know, just to remind yourself that that I'm O.K. and everyone else is A-H-H-h, well, you know . . God, It's hard to be humble sometimes. I'm not judging anybody . . . but you and I know some people are SICK. As George Carlin used to say, " YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHO YOU ARE. "

Look, some of my BEST friends are . . not that there is anything wrong with it, you know - -

Cartoon of the week

I think Bob Dylan was right when he sung: The times, they are a changin' ( Maybe he should write a new one now . . They're STILL a changin' . DU-H. Like a sophist told
Socrates,
" You can't step into the same river twice. " DUH . . Socrates said back, " HELL, YOU CAN'T EVEN STEP INTO THE SAME RIVER ONCE ! " ( Because it's constantly in a state of flux )

Wisdom ( Write this one down )

" Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might win by fearing to attempt. "

- WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Conscience

" Conscience is the inner voice that tells you the IRS might check your return. "

PETER PLUM

Cartoon of the day

Wisdom/Truth

" Impossible is a word found only in the dictionary of fools. "

- NAPOLEON


" You are where you are and what you are because of the dominating thoughts of your mind, no more no less. "

- PAUL MEYER


" Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon, will inevitably come to pass. "

- PAUL MEYER

Things maybe you'd like to know

" This magazine cartoon business sometimes makes you feel like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black hat that isn't there. "

Roy Delgado

Cartoon of the day

Wisdom on Companions

" He that walketh with wise men shall be wise. "

- PROVERBS 13:20


" If you always live with those who are lame, you will yourself learn to limp. "

- LATIN PROVERB


" When a dove begins to associate with crows, its feathers remain white but its heart grows black. "

- GERMAN PROVERB

Cartoon of the day

Cartoon of the Month

Facts you need to know about Hollywood

In Hollywood if you don't have a psychiatrist, people think you're crazy.

The problem of Hollywood is they shoot too much film and not enough actors.

I saw the weirdest thing at a Hollywood wedding - - even the two little figures on top of the cake were arguing.

Things you oughta know ( and remember )

English is a funny language . . A FAT CHANCE and a SLIM CHANCE are the same thing.

National Lampoon Cartoon

Another cartoon from National Lampoon's Greatest Cartoons of the 21st Century.

Wisdom

" I quote others only the better to express myself. "

MICHEL DE MONTAIGNE



" It is a good thing for an educated man to read books of quotations. "

WINSTON CHURCHILL

Cartoon from the book

Here's a sample cartoon from my recent book, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The New Yorker, this one is one of my favorites.

National Lampoon Cartoon

Here's another cartoon from the book National Lampoon's Greatest Cartoons of the 21st Century.

Another cartoon that should've been bought by The New Yorker . . but was rejected . . ask anyone, ask Bob Mankoff . . ask David Remnick . . ask Jacob Lewis . . The three gentlemen who choose the cartoons at the greatest magazine there ever was . . Go ahead, ask them . . You know it, I know it, THEY know it . . . They want diversity, here it is . . My real name is Peter Plum, I'm a barrister from South Africa, gay, Kool-Aid drinking liberal Democrat, Ph.D in Sociology, . . . OH-h I can dream . . if only this was true . . instead, I'm just a tattooed 4-F right-wing hack artist Junior High-School dropout drifter from Yonkers . . .

Wisdom

" Lord, grant me that I may always desire more than I can accomplish. "

- MICHAELANGELO

National Lampoon Cartoon

Here's a cartoon which appeared in a recent cartoon softback called ; National Lampoon's Greatest Cartoons of the 21st Century . . Lotsa edgy cartoons by Dan Reynolds ( Who did a beautiful color cartoon for the cover ), Buck Jones, Mike Baldwin, Marty Bucella, Dan Collins, Steamy Raimon, Geoff Hassing, Rod McKie, Bob Zahn, Dan Rosandich, Joe Kohl, Fran Orford and many, other great cartoonists.

Did somebody say " EARMARKS ? "

Cartoon of the week

New Yorker Cartoon You'll Never See ( In The NYer )

YOU'LL NEVER SEE THIS CARTOON IN THE NEW YORKER BECAUSE IT WAS REJECTED ABOUT A MONTH AGO BY THEM . . I COULD BE WRONG, ( I'VE BEEN WRONG THOUSANDS OF TIME WITH THEM BEFORE ) BUT THIS ONE DOES BELONG IN THE NEW YORKER !

Wisdom ( Write this one down )

" It is easy to fly into a passion - - anybody can do that - - but to be angry with the right person to the right extent and at the right time and with the right object and in the right way - - that is not easy, and it is not everyone who can do it. "

ARISTOTLE

Cartoon of the day

New American Idol . . Almost ready for Prime Time

I'm sure somewhere an event like this has already happened . . Imagine, this poor sap memorized the lyrics, had stage presence, great personality, charisma, good voice, fantastic rhymes, can dance AND sing . . but couldn't grab his CROTCH often enough with gusto to satisfy his agent ! Ain't it a cryin' shame !

Lawyer tidbits you may have not heard . .

My lawyer was hurt - - the ambulance backed up suddenly.

Some men inherit money, some men earn it, and some are lawyers.

Lawyers sometimes tell the truth - - they'll do anything to win a case.

New National Law Journal Cartoon

This drawing appears in the January 5 issue of The National Law Journal on page 27. I love gags about sheister lawyers, quack doctors, crooked politicians, oh yeah, and about the rest of us "normal" people.

Things you need to remember

" Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing . . . nobody listens, then everybody disagrees. "

BORIS MARSHALOV

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" You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. "

JAMES THURBER

Politics - Chicago Style

Cartoon of the week

Cartoon of the day

New National Law Journal Cartoon

This cartoon appears on page 23 in the recent December 15, 2008 issue of this national barrister's newspaper.

Cartoon you'll NEVER see in The New Yorker

Does this belong in THE NEW YORKER ? Of course it does. Ask ANYONE.

Practical Jokes

" Personally, I'm against practical jokes. Too often,they get elected to office. "

- HENNY YOUNGMAN

New Yorker Cartoon You'll Never See ( In The NYer )

Another cartoon that BELONGS in The New Yorker . . Ask ANYONE who knows anything about New Yorker Cartoons . . ( OF COURSE, EXCEPT THE PEOPLE AT THE NEW YORKER )

Damn, I'm sorry, but it's hard to be humble sometimes.

Cartoon of the week

Cartoon of the Day

Roy Delgado Blog: Poor Roland Burris

Roy Delgado Blog: Poor Roland Burris
I appreciate and respect your honesty, Dan.
Roy

Poor Roland Burris

Poor guy, After a long 10-hour day on the drawing board, I thought I'd check the news on the tube and I saw Old Roland Burris in the cold windy, nasty, rain on the steps of the Senate Office Building explaining his dilemma to the newshounds .

I took a nap and had a bad dream that poor Roland caught a bad cold that turned into pneumonia, two days later he ends up in Bethesda Hospital, damn near died . . He sues Harry Reid . . Harry Reid says it was all BLOGGY's ( BLA-GOY-A-VICH, I can SAY it, but I can't spell it ) fault, who in turn he said he could PROVE it was somehow George Bush's fault ! Al Sharpton, someway shows up in an interview, then . .

My wife said I'm working too hard.

On Buying Newspapers . .

" I buy them out of the coin racks; they're cheaper. They're four for a quarter out of those things. "

- GARY SHANDLING

The New ATMs

I can see one now . . ATMs now advertising sleazy taverns, bath houses, juke joints ( Whatever happened to them ? ), porno magazine stores, gay bars, ( Don't forget, you got the ACLU on your side ! What's fair is fair !

The Wind Turbines are coming

We gotta get used to stuff like this . . a lot of new situations . . I think it will be a good source for gags.

The " NEW " Yorker magazine

I had a dream last night about a NEW magazine called simply " YORKER " magazine. It was a great success . . It was a parody of the real New Yorker magazine. ( Looked EXACTLY like The New Yorker magazine )

Although this HAS been done, the best one I saw was by the great Connecticut cartoonist WALT SATTLER , whom I had the pleasure to meet several years ago for lunch. At a quick glance you thought you were reading The New Yorker . . ALL the cartoons were, ( you THOUGHT ), by the usual regular suspects, I remember one cartoon that I thought was a CHON DAY drawing, but actually a clever imposter by SATTLER. Even the " LOOK " of the magazine was there from front page to the last page ! It was truly a masterpiece and funny and clever.

Anyway, this magazine in my dream, " YORKER " was a huge success and EVERYONE was talking about it.

The whole thing became more confusing because everyone was referring to it as the new " YORKER " magazine. Of course it got confused in conversation with The New Yorker magazine.

All the conversations concerning the magazine began to sound like an " ABBOTT and COSTELLO WHO'S ON FIRST " routine.

To confuse everything even further, they hired a cartoon editor by the name, ( So help me GOD ) of ROBERTO MINGKOFF, A distant relative of CHEECH ( or CHONG, probably CHONG ) . The guy had shoulder length hair and sported a neatly trimmed beard and wore two-thousand dollar Brooks Brothers suits and began a hugely successful cartoon agency called ' Le Cartoon Banque '. ( A subsidiary of the new " YORKER " magazine ) . . . .
( Eventually bought out by WAL-MART ! )

It was right about here I woke up up from this night terror . . my wife said, you're working too hard and too long. Forget about cartooning ! Forget about The New Yorker ! No, not the new " YORKER " . . " The New Yorker " ! Why don't you try writing poetry or try being a stand-up comic or change your name LEGALLY to your doofus doppelganger PETER PLUMB.., AH'H, there is an idea !

Great Doctor

" I've got a wonderful doctor. If you can't afford the operation, he touches up the X-rays. "

- HENNY YOUNGMAN

FACTOIDS ( Things you need to know )

" New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time . . most of it unsolved. "

- JOHNNY CARSON


" You think New York is bad ? You ought to go to Detroit. You can go ten blocks and never leave the scene of the crime. "

- RED SKELTON