Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Vice-President Joe Biden with an observation on the street . .

Here is a good one for the " What it's Worth Dept. " . . As most of you know, I've been sending cartoons to the New Yorker since most of you were born . . AND I've been rejected over 20,000 times . . that's Okay, Hey, we can't ALL sell to The New Yorker  ( In fact, it's not really "no big deal", but, I'm not used to failing, and maybe, that is where the problem is, it ain't over till it's over )  . . That doesn't really bother me at all . . it's just NOW, believe it or not, is getting to be fun . . . what I started doing about six months ago ( after a suggestion from a New Yorker office insider ) is I've been shot-gunning batches USPS simultaneously to all three editors at The New Yorker that do the final selections for the cartoons to be purchased that week . . this tipster person figured that possibly, just POSSIBLY, ONE of the three MIGHT, JUST MIGHT see a cartoon and would say, EUREKA! . . . looka dis !  The poor bastard FINALLY sent us one that I think is as good or better than the stuff we've been buying . . After all this guy sells to every magazine OUR New Yorker cartoonists sell to . .  Man ! I GOTTA show this to my collegues . . Wait a minute . .  this bastard has been sending to all three of us at the same time !  Why didn't somebody SAY something ?  I didn't want to say anything, one said, another said, I was AFRAID to say anything and what difference does it make we AIN'T A GONNA buy this poor bastard's work . . ANYWAY . . And the other one said, Yeh, but one of us shoulda said sumphin' . . HEY ! We've been HAD !  Don't you SEE, he's been trying to fool us ! . . Just for that . . . Now we are NOT NOW OFFICIALLY, POSITIVELY, ABSOLUTELY NOT EVER GONNA BUY ! Let the poor bastard twist in the wind ! was the final agreement by all three . . who the hell does this bastard think he is . . ANYWAY ?  He can't MAKE us buy ( unless maybe the ACLU picked up the case ) . . this guy HAS to be a brick shy of a load, maybe Pat Byrnes was right, this guy is "almost embarrassing to the profession . . " ( Is this a profession ? , I always thought it was just an easy way to make a fast buck. ) 

The irony of all this is that in every batch I would include a courteous letter, typed and addressed to each of the guys stating and underlining the sentence that there was no need to return these drawings because they were just copies ( Obviously it was a gesture, thinking of Al Gore, that I was trying to save their time and paper and postage,energy, etc.

 I.e. I didn't WANT to know if they were rejecting them . . I only wanted to hear from them IF, IF they wanted to buy . . I actually wanted to have the last word, in each transaction . . You see,I've been running the show all my life and having my way and I forget that I'm no longer CEO of a company with 32 minions, I forget . but NO, NO . . They thought, HE ain't running THIS show . . WE ARE RUNNING THE SHOW . . SO-O-O, here is what happens next, in the mail yesterday, I get a batch back in a 9x12 grey printed New Yorker logo envelope with THEIR postage, and inside was the my letter AND my returned rejects, which I TOLD them NOT to return, it was the letter I addressed to the real editor and they were returning my cartoons with a rejection slip, AND, AND the cartoon editor with a blue pen crossed off the editor's name in the letter AND printed HIS name . . . in other words, HEY ! send ME, Da DRAWINS, NOT HIM, You Moron.  Not even a note . . Don't make waves ! . . HEY ! 

Now I know what Kahlil Gibran meant in The Prophet . . when he said: " Do not be a solver of riddles. " . . by doing it without a word he won THIS particular chess move . .

Was watching East of Eden last night again with James Dean and the scene when he's up in his mother's room trying to borrow $5000.00 to make an investment and give his religiously devout Dad ( Raymond Massey )for a loss of money in a bad unfortunate business accident he suffered from . .  He just found out that his estranged mother, Agnes Morehead was a very successful brothel owner and that all of the city officials went to her place of business when it got dark and his hypocritically devout Dad and the city big wheels were all a bunch of phonies who looked down on her during the day and here, Massey needs to be bailed out by of all people, his ex-wife using tainted money ! . . And his mother starts to laugh almost hysterically and says to her son, who isn't laughing . . " SON, IF YOU DON'T THINK THIS IS FUNNY, YOU BETTER NOT GO TO COLLEGE ! "
That's how I felt . .  


Eli Stein said...

Always fun to read your New Yorker rants, Roy, and this one was no exception.
I hate to be a nit-picker, but you're confusing Agnes Morehead with Jo Van Fleet. Jo Van Fleet actually won an Oscar for best supporting actress for that role in East of Eden!
You're always talking aboout your 20,000 New Yorker rejections -- well I passed a milestone of my own on my site/archive. I posted my 1000th published cartoon (none of them in The New Yorker, of course).
Keep after them!
Eli Stein

Roy Delgado said...

Hey, Eli, always good to hear from an astute and successful cartoonist who I hold in high esteem . . I stand corrected . . you are absolutely right it WAS Jo Van Fleet . . I always got those two people mixed up and I often get in trouble by running my mouth before my brain is engaged or before I do my research . . to get my facts straight . .

I know I rant, but most people get a kick out of it, it's all for fun, a little insignificant guy like me throwing pebbles at an icon like the "MAN" but, unfortunately, there's always an insecure, punky, stupid, touchy-feely small-brained self-appointed critic out there, who take my rants or my poking fun at The New Yorker TOO seriously, or choose to see them as ASSUALTS at the New Yorker, they're not assaults at all . . I think it comes from insecurity in themselves maifesting I think, by trying to "diminish" their collegues and maybe say, hey, look at this guy, I'm pointing a finger and judging this guy . . hey, look at me, I'm somebody, hey, I'm from Chicago, I'm SOMEBODY, look at my name . . I'm CONNECTED . . Who the Hell do YOU think You Are . . I may be from the land of he allegedly-tainted Daly Machine, The Chicago style hot dog, Jeramiah Wright, Father Pfleger, Co-founder of The Weathermen: Bill Ayers, alleged crooked slum landlord Resko, the worse school system in the United States . . but don't judge me with a broad brush because I rub elbows with these morons, I can't help it . . honestly, they only live in my neighborhood . . I just like to keep focused on " What would Satan Do ? "

The problem lies in the fact that they take THEMSELVES too seriously . . Usually most parents teach you young in life things like If you can't say something nice about somebody, don't say it at all. ( like I try to teach, by example ) I don't know why more people can't be more like me. It would be a better world. It's hard to be humble.

It's sad. Almost embarrassing to the trade.