From Milton Berle's Private Joke File:

On Liquor, Uncle Miltie had a few I liked - - -


" Liquor may be a slow poison, but who's in a hurry ? "
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He's of mixed marriage - - half Scotch, Half Soda.
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A banker got loaded at a party, but was determined to maintain his dignity when the hostess showed him her newborn twins.
He said:  " Oh, what a beautiful child ! "
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Milton Berle was one of the greatest stand-up comedians who ever lived . . coming from way back in the old vaudeville days - - -  he travelled the whole circuit for years, going everywhere and any place he could get a gig - - - He admitted he borrowed jokes and one-liners and often referred to himself as  . .

The Thief of Bad Gags . . . ( Ouch ! )
I loved the guy.